DEAR ABBY: For the past three years, I have been in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I finally found the courage to leave.
The whole time I was with my ex, I self-medicated with alcohol because I felt ugly and unloved. One day while inebriated, I created an online profile on a dating app.
Three days later, I went on a date which went really well. We spent the whole weekend together and have seen each other for three months.
My problem is that I still have feelings for my abusive ex.
The man I see now is loving and caring. He’s already talking about marriage and giving me a life I deserve. At first I was very attached to him, but maybe now I realize he was a rebound because over time I don’t share the same feelings as him.
I fear losing this man and maybe a good life for someone who has caused me so much pain and sorrow. Please help.
BLOCKED IN MY PAST
DEAR PAST: Although you may be tempted in this direction the only thing you do not the need is to go back to your previous toxic relationship.
Before entering into another relationship, you need to resolve your drinking problem. The next item on your agenda should be to reconnect with the valuable person that you are.
While your new boyfriend seems loving and caring, neither of you knows the other well enough after just three months to make a well-reasoned lifelong commitment. It shows that you think maybe this is a rebound relationship rather than reality.
Listen to your intuition. He’s telling you something important, so slow down!
DEAR ABBY: Does an engagement ring have to be “new”?
My mother passed away at the age of 60 and left me her engagement ring. My father then married a younger woman. They had a daughter, who subsequently had children.
I have never married and have reached an age where it is unlikely that I will, and I still have the ring. I could have the stone reset myself, but I never liked the jewelry very much, and I wouldn’t feel good selling it.
I am considering giving it to the daughter (my half-sister) so that one of her descendants can use it for its intended purpose.
Would a potential bride consider it an insult to receive a “used” engagement ring, or would she be honored to be welcomed into the family with an inheritance? (We should consider that the original carrier is technically not blood related, so it may not be their “family” heritage.)
TRANSMIT IT TO CALIFORNIA
DEAR PASSENGER: I cannot speak for all young women but many would recognize the honor of being given a keepsake / heirloom such as your mother’s ring. If they didn’t like the style, they too could decide to put the stone back in something more to their liking.
I think your idea of giving it to your stepsister is generous and beautiful. You are a gem.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.